tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87767072024-03-23T11:16:16.961-07:00Getting to know Michel!I believe that blogging is the only way the world will EVER see my art (I make collages!) and it might also be the only way I can tell the world how much I love wolves.Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.comBlogger63125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-43296226902212369322008-06-08T14:27:00.000-07:002008-06-08T20:28:44.874-07:00Some Good news and Bad newsHey loyal readers! it's BARRY! with some GOOD NEWS! and some bad news.<br /><br />Good news first. I HAVE GOTTEN MY OLD JOB BACK! at Fitgasm 24. Now they have not offered me my full salary but they HAVE agreed not to continue litigation on my play-biting incident. They have allowed me to work for a quarter of my original salary, but have thrown in unlimited smoothies to help me out.<br /><br />I will be watched continuously they tell me. WHICH IS FINE. I'm just so happy to be employed again. It's been so hard to eat and live since I lost the job. If it wasn't for my positive attitude, and the Johansens, I don't know what I would have done.<br /><br />So, onto the bad news. Michel died yesterday. He saw an animal he though was a wolf walking around our bus yesterday, and well, he snuck up on it and tried to hug it. And, well, it ate him. It turns out that it was a coyote, and an hungry one at that.<br /><br />But don't be sad. Let's keep it positive. He was a good kid, an amazing artist, and I like to think that he died happy because he was doing what he loved, hugging wolves.<br /><br />The funny thing is that his mom is still alive, and he's dead. Cause his mom does some pretty bad things to her body.Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-3118365517580497942008-04-02T15:16:00.001-07:002008-04-02T15:21:27.942-07:00I JUST RAN INTO MY OLDE PAL WILLY!Well, Willy has not spoken to Michel (EVEN THOUGH HE IS NEIGHBOR!!) SINCE LAST YEAR! because I borrowed some of his father’s militia magazines and some of his hair too. (it was for collage!!)<br /><br />He has never forgiven Michel . . . UNTIL NOW!!!<br /><br />It was great catching up to Willy. <br /><br />His old music band, “Sexcellence” has finally broken up “for good”. BUT, he has started a new band called Ugly Kid Joe!. He said that the OLD Ugly Kid Joe disbanded in 1997, and that the name was “fair game” in his mind. <br /><br />Willy is also VERY COMMITED to his band, so much that he got a tattoo that says, “UGLY KIDS JOE” covering his ENTIRE FACE! (Michel was going to point out the misspelling, but Barry REALLY wanted to leave.)<br /><br />He said his band is getting their first big break this Sunday when they open for the band that is opening for TIGER NOIZES, the second most popular JILL SOBULE cover band in the area. (BTW: They are INCREDIBLE). <br /><br />They’re playing @ The Rodee-OH!! on International Business Corporation Breezeway Court. You can’t miss it, look for the drunk horse they chain to the mailbox. (DO NOT GET NEAR THIS HORSE.)<br /><br />SEE YOU THERE!Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-76613065385542557582008-02-19T11:46:00.000-08:002008-02-21T14:36:19.076-08:00I have joined the business force!Well, since living on the bus, the Johansens and Mother’s lover (and my new dad!) )Barry have come on hard tymes. We are very cold much of the tyme, we have not eaten warm food in 4 days, and Mother has gone missing.<br /><br />BUT, ONCE AGAIN!! Barry has used his positive attitude to help out the days.<br /><br />Barry decided that we really need to “make some money” for “food”. And he has a plan. <br /><br />Well, HIS PLAN TURNED OUT TO BE BRILLIANT! <br /><br />We have been walking around our town all afternoon picking things up off the ground, and THEN asking strangers on the street if they will give us money to eat it! <br /><br />I know what your are thinking . . . and I am thinking the very same thing: BARRY IS A BUSINESS GENIUS, AND NEEDS TO WRITE A BOOK AND/OR HAVE HIS OWN REALITY SHOW BASED ON HIS BUSINESS THEORIES!<br /><br />And here’s the proof: WE MADE THIRTEEN DOLLARS in only 2 DAYS!. <br /><br />And Barry says, if we keep it up, (if our stomachs can handle it), AND we stop wasting valuable tyme getting in rock fights with the East Side Hobos, that we’ll make the same amount of money EVERY 2 DAYS!!!<br /><br />NOW, you might also think that its gross to eat things like terrier poops, dirty band-aids, condoms, and pine straw, but I would say to that: what’s not gross is HAVING 13 DOLLARS! (in Pennies!)<br /><br />So Michel will keep eating melted ice cream covered in ants, wadded up receipts, green pennies, and pieces of dislodged sidewalk, as long as the money keeps rolling in, OR if some sort of internal bleedings happen. <br /><br />Double peace.Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-6243546580436086542008-01-11T08:12:00.000-08:002008-01-11T09:55:04.185-08:00HAPPY NEW YEARS!!It is a whole new exciting new year! 2008 will be full of joyness, excitement, WolfTown, USA meetings, funtymes, collection of found object to use in collages, the search for a girlfriend, a fresh set of collages (about wolves), and candycanes!<br /><br />The Johansens had a fun tyme for Christmas! even though Michel did not get anything he asked for from the Santa Claus (the Jazzband-in-a-box! home jazzband creator, the Doctor Zhivago box set, OR the humidifier!), and our house burned to the ground. <br /><br />BUT DON’T WORRY!, we are living in a VERY NICE abandoned bus near the quarry!<br /><br />It all started on Christmas Eve, when Mother’s meth lab exploded in the living room. It was VERY EXCITING to see the explosion!, but the fact that it burned all of our possessions and the place where we sleep was very sad for Michel. <br /><br />SO Michel is trying to think happier thinkings. Barry tells me to “keep my head up”, and “try not to think about the burnt hair smell” even though it’s “pretty overpowering”, and it “all that HE can think about”. <br /><br />He has really got the right attitude. He’s also started doing this real cool “double peace sign” thing. WHICH IS VERY COOL!, and barry says to me that “not a lot of people are doing it” (which is double cool).<br /><br />Barry says it feels good do make a “double peace sign” especially to people who are defacing your abandoned bus with “really confusing satanic iconography”. He says it lets them know that “you get it”, and that “you’re probably not gonna call the pigs”.<br /><br />Well, I hope all you readers had a GREAT HOLIDAY!!, even if you don’t believe in holidays. See you soon at the next WolfTown mtg!!Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-63799719762654097872007-10-22T10:17:00.000-07:002007-10-25T11:06:18.302-07:00Mr. Ziddle, THE FUNNIEST PERSON EVARR!!Michel, (and Barry) just rewatched CARNIE HALLOWEEN! to celebrate the fact that the Halloween season is up on us. There are so many part of this movie that are funny that I HAVE TO tell you about!! <br /><br />The Top 3:<br /><br />3) Mr Ziddle dresses up like a jaguar and then he fills his hair pants with those generic looking peanut butter candies!! Which was so smart by the Mr. Ziddle character, because none of the kids who work and live at the circus would grab candy because he wasn't wearing any underwears, and he had a stinky "ding ding" that night.<br /><br />2) There's this tradition in the Carnie world, where the eldest Carnie family member has to go into the woods and prove that they still have the right to live, even though they are draining the family's financial resources. Well, she leaves to go in to the woods (slowly) but before she can even get going, she trips on a tent stake and shatters her pelvis. <br /><br />BARRY AND ME ARE STILL LAUGHING AT THIS.<br /><br />1) But, MY FAVORITE PART is where the Carnie family have a big family meeting where they decide whether to spend their last 100 dollars on 83 bags of Chocolate Poppers or use it as a down payment on a new hip for Gammy Carnie. <br /><br />It was even more hilarious when they realized that while they were making the decision she actually died right in front of them, and well, the decision was made for them! Whew!<br /><br />Happy Halloween season!!! Tell me what you're gonna be dressing up as this year? <br /><br />Michel will be dressing up like an English Apothecary! It going to be AWESOME, (unless someone has chosen the same costume of course!) I can not wait to speak my English accent and dispense some homeade medicines to children! <br /><br />Wolftown, U.S.A. mtg . . . . SOON!Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-2015435717608503662007-08-05T20:21:00.000-07:002007-08-05T20:54:22.748-07:00Barry has the Depressions!Barry is having something called depressions.<br /><br />He has been laid off from Fitgasm 24!. That is why Michel has not written for some time. (and also the reason WolfTown, USA has not met in way too long) Barry said that is was something called "sexual harrasment" that made him leave the gym and stop being able to personally train people two days a week.<br /><br />He said that he accidentally brushed up against a customers vagina with his nose when he was spotting her. <br /><br />And apparently in "those type of situations" he was supposed to immediately say "oh, i'm sorry mam" instead of making "tiger noises", thrashing his head from side to side, and "play-biting" her inner thighs.<br /><br />He is VERY SAD that he does not have "money" and "a place to wash clothes and get free smoothies" any more. Mother and I are happy to have him stay in our home for as long as it takes for him to get onto his feet, (and stop eating all Michel's Choco Dawgs!!). <br /><br />On the awesome side, I have convinced Barry to become a member of WolfTown, USA! So YOU ALL WILL GET TO MEET HIM NEXT WEEK at the meeting (location TBD)! YOU WILL LOVE HIM. <br /><br />He will be happy again next week Michel is sure, unless you mention things like "not having a job", or "vaginas", or if you make "tiger noises".Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-65241559333404234532007-03-30T09:12:00.000-07:002007-04-13T08:34:04.954-07:00Hello NEW DAD!Hi friends!<br /><br />I’ve got to tell you about a NEW FRIEND!! (and maybe NEW FATHER?)<br /><br />I’m not sure if he will be coming to WolfTown, USA or not (he "likes animals” but not sure how muck he likes wolves). I will inform the group as our friendship grows.<br /><br />So, his name is Barry, and he is Mother’s new boyfriend! <br /><br />He is going to be a great father figure I think! He has ALREADY taught Michel to do something with my fingers called “SNAPPING”. It is SO MUCH FUN, and makes such an interesting sound. (collage coming soon!)<br /><br />Barry is a personal trainer at FitGasm 24! It locates on the other side of town, in the Kroger shopping center. The same one with the Christian Grocery, the IF ITS JAZZ! Shoe Haus, and the bookstore with the windows you can’t see through.<br /><br />He has been “personally training” Mother for free, and they have appeared to fall into love with each other. At least that’s what Barry yells while they have sex all the time, no matter if Michel wants to watch Mr. Belvedere videos or not.<br /><br />He must be a good personal trainer because he weighs over 400 lbs!! He says that “it’s mostly muscle”. He tells Michel that even though he looks fat, that it is a genetic problem that runs in his family, and to “shut the fuck up”.Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-78457960202901031922007-03-15T07:58:00.000-07:002007-03-16T15:04:13.282-07:00WOLFTOWN, USA – March 8Location: (Behind) Sampson’s Roller-Rama<br /><br />PURPOSE: To have fun, and talk about wolves with likeminded wolf-buffs!!<br /><br />Start Tyme: 4:45 PM (SORRY FOR MICHEL'S LATE!) <br /><br />Roll Call <br />In attendance: Michel Johansen, Autumn, Sanji, Guy named Alan, Brad Dongell, Kirk Jansen, Randy Poffo, Jeremy Mullis<br /><br />Absent: Ricky Jones (excused for inability leave jail freely) <br /><br />Leadership Team: <br />Michel Johansen – president/activities coordinator/sign-painter/PR <br />Brad Dongell (filling in for Ricky since he is in the jail) - accountant/snack coordinator/authenticity consultant <br /><br />Welcoming Howl to members! (and visiting elementary school class from Johnson Middle School)<br /><br />Ceremonial urine bath of new members KIRK JANSEN, RANDY POFFO, AND JEREMY MULLIS!!! (and visiting elementary school class from Johnson Middle School)<br /><br />Freshly urine-soaked Olde Timey wigs passed out to the new members (and visiting elementary school class from Johnson Middle School)<br /><br /><br />MEETING THEME: <br /><br />Teach children your favorite Wolf Craft!!<br /><br />SANJI – showed the children how to make his hand look like a wolfs hand by taping coffee stirrers to his fingers, and spraying something called “Good Looking Hair” onto his hands. The children were delighted by the spray hair.<br /><br />AUTUMN – showed us all how to make a “wolf headband” out of a rubber band. It was made of a rubber band that she said “looked VERY similar to a wolf’s tendon”? Demonstration did not last long because she just put it on her head, and howled, and laughed uncomfortably, then cried. So did the children. <br /><br />RICKY – absent (jail)<br /><br />MICHEL – taught the kids how to wipe tears from their eyes with wolf themed napkins. Children were delighted to learn that with just a couple of red and black colored markers, 20 burlap napkins, crushed Ritz crackers, and a small amount of motor oil, that they can also make their very own “Wolf-kins”.<br /><br />ALAN – showed the kids how to tie-die tank tops and headbands with ACTUAL wolf blood. THE KIDS LOVED ALAN, once the “fresh blood” smell went away.<br /><br />BRAD – used his “Craft Tyme” to question WolfTown, USA’s need to have “so many” “actual” wolf fluids at meetings. Key Points: “it stinks”, “it’s hard to kill wolves without a gun”, and “can you guys get me a gun? cause I can’t go within 100 feet of a gun store ever since this thing I did”.<br /><br />KIRK – just kind of pointed at the children menacingly with what he calls his “bad finger” and told him that he was gonna “burn them good, like the others” if they don’t stop staring at his peg leg. Was REALLY proud of his full body wolf suit (and how well it covered his peg leg). Children learned NOTHING about crafts. Several learned about urinating in their short pants.<br /><br />RANDY – does not speak English, so we had no idea what he was saying. But, it looked like he was trying to spit as far as he could.<br /><br />JEREMY – using charcoal, newsprint, and his a personal collection of earwax “dating back to ‘82”, drew a VERY REALISTIC version of a scar he received while he and a friend went “drunk hunting” for wolves back in grade school. <br /><br /><br />SNACK TYME! (Nice job Brad!)<br /><br />Snacks served (on wolf themed napkins):<br /><br />-Salmon Flavored Air Cakes<br />-Mongolian Black Beef FreezRs<br />-Mocha Cola<br />-Tasty Dozens Pig Flakes <br />-Choco Dawgs! (Michel’s new favorite snack!)<br /><br /><br />DISCUSSION TYME:<br /><br />KIRK: Led a discussion of how “necessary” the urine bath is for new members.<br /><br />WOLFTOWN USA CONCLUSION: VERY IMPORTANT<br /><br />AUTUMN: Discussed how she was going to not come to meetings any more, and asked to be taken off the email list for WolfTown, USA. She also admitted that her “craft” was not really a craft and that she only said she liked wolves to get closer to Sanji because she loved him and he loves wolves because he’s Indian.<br /><br />WOLFTOWN USA CONCLUSION: Autumn is a racist, and is no longer allowed at meetings, (AND MUST give her olde timey wig back IMMEDIATELY)<br /><br />Ending Howl (officially banishing Autumn from WolfTown, USA)<br /><br />END TYME: 5:53Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-83673254260431318852006-12-20T11:20:00.000-08:002006-12-20T11:27:39.099-08:00OMG! MJGS!Hi Friends! I have just made an account on a thing called Skype! it seems to be real technological! I AM RIDING THE WAVE!<br /><br />COME RIDE THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE WITH ME! and please communicate with me on the computer!! <br /><br />DO NOT TELL MOTHER, (but, my name with skype is "collage4ever")Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-65838289956845809942006-12-19T18:56:00.000-08:002006-12-19T19:15:04.877-08:00A collage for Wolf(town, USA) lovers!!<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/23981713@N00/327736572/" title="Photo Sharing"><img src="http://static.flickr.com/139/327736572_6ca71a3b9f.jpg" width="388" height="500" alt="WolfCollageTown, USA" /></a><br /><br />Michel is sorry for the meeting cancelling last week, but DO NOT WORRY. the next meeting will be right after the newest year starts! I am giving everyone a COLLAGE! to tide you for christmas!<br /><br />I was inspired by my love of wolves, and a novelty sponge of Mother's . . . THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE A USA FLAG!<br /><br />I used two handfuls of hair that i thought looked close enough to REAL WOLF HAIRS but aren't. I STOLE! from a hair collection bag that Willy's father keeps in the garage. It was a risky, but as an artist, i felt like i must do it, for art, and for Wolftown, USA.<br /><br />DON'T WORRY, HE'LL NEVER MISS IT, I HAVE VERY SMALL HANDS! and IT WAS WORTH IT! (except for the lice.)<br /><br />so, ENJOY! (see you at the NEXT meeting!)Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-25202056491354122322006-11-28T13:18:00.000-08:002006-11-28T13:36:15.929-08:00The Tyme has come!I have decided to get rid of my wolf Teet tank top. I'm sorry, but it just smells too bad at this point now. MOTHER! has refused to scrape the crusted milk off the teets FOR THE LAST TYME. It is not good to argue with Mother.<br /><br />She has started a home base internet business now that is taking up TOO MUCH of her tyme. It is called Home Base. She is selling something called FreeBase Cocaine to the children at the local high school. She's a BIG FAN of baseball. that's why she named it home base. She says it's something called a "pun", and is "essential for retail success".<br /><br />Anyway, i've got to go burn my shirt!<br /><br />CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU GUYS AT THE NEXT WOLFTOWN USA MTG!!<br /><br />WOLF!Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-14196795745636800472006-10-18T10:05:00.000-07:002006-10-18T10:08:35.049-07:00WOLFTOWN, USA (2nd MTG!!) – Oct 18Location: Ricky Jones Garage Apartment<br /><br />PURPOSE: To have fun, and talk wolves with likeminded wolf-buffs!!<br /><br />Start Tyme: 6:37 PM<br /><br />Roll Call<br />In attendance: Michel Johansen, Ricky Jones, Autumn, Sanji, Guy named Alan, Brad Dongell (new member!)<br /><br />Leadership Team:<br />Michel Johansen – president/activites coordinator/sign painter/PR<br />Ricky Jones - accountant/snack coordinator/authenticity consultant<br /><br />Welcoming Howl to members. <br /><br />Ceremonial urine bath of NEW MEMBER BRAD DONGELL!! (welcome Brad!)<br /><br />MEETING THEME: Dress like your favorite Wolf.<br /><br />Introduction of everyone’s favorite wolf<br /><br />SANJI – Favorite wolf was a wolf named Ben. He is a strong father figure type wolf he says. “that’s why I’m wearing glasses, and smoking a pipe, and have a security badge”<br /><br />AUTUMN – Favorite wolf was named Autumn. Looked exactly like autumn, except had whiskers drawn onto face with sharpie, and was still shy.<br /><br />RICKY – Favorite wolf was named Whoosh. Had short hair in the form of a light brown carpet over his entire body. WHICH WAS SO REAL, except for the tag. Wore Nike.<br /><br />MICHEL – Favorite wolf was named Carol. Wore a Christmas sweater, walked with a homemade looking walking stick, and wore horn rimmed glasses. Yelled to everyone that “there books were overdue!” and “stop running!”<br /><br />Guy named ALAN – Favorite wolf Jackum. Wore all black, except for striped athletic socks, and Greatest American Hero headband. Cheeks pierced with a femur of a small animal. Most likely from roadkill.<br /><br />BRAD – wasn’t aware of this weeks theme. excused.<br /><br /><br />SNACK TYME!<br /><br />Snacks served: <br />-Hot STIX<br />-BIG 60 Nilla wafers<br />-Boysenberry Blastoff Juice Toobs<br />-WWE Strangleberry Smackjobs<br /><br /><br />MOTIONS:<br /><br />Motion made by Guy named Alan to discontinue the Old Timey wigs for future meetings due to the smell of urine.<br /><br />Michel Johansen vetoed motion AGAIN.<br /><br />Further discussion of whether Michel Johansen has that authority<br /><br />Johansen pokes Guy named Alan with walking stick, and attempts to smother him with Christmas Sweater.<br /><br />Ricky’s mother Iredell enters with baseball bat.<br /><br />End Tyme: 7:15 PMMichel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1154303603252076712006-07-30T16:42:00.001-07:002006-10-18T10:02:59.465-07:00WolfTown,USA (FIRST MTG!!) – Sunday July 30.LOCATION: Cafe at Borders Books<br /><br />PURPOSE: To have fun, and talk wolves with likeminded wolf-buffs!!<br /><br />START TYME: 3:31 PM<br /><br />ROLL CALL<br />In attendance: Michel Johansen, Ricky Jones, Autumn (Border’s associate), Sanji (Border’s associate), Guy named Alan<br /><br />LEADERSHIP TEAM:<br />Michel Johansen – president/activites coordinator/sign painter<br />Ricky Jones - accountant/snack coordinator/authenticity consultant<br /><br />Welcoming Howl to members. <br /><br />Old Tymey wigs and authentic Wolf Teet tanks passed out to all members. <br /><br /><br />BRAINSTORMING session: Future meeting themes<br />Accepted ideas<br />-Dress like your favorite wolf<br />-Douse yourself in (wolf) urine<br />-Wolf Crafts 101<br />-On-all-Fours Day<br /><br />Rejected ideas:<br />-The Pain of Rickets<br />-Kids these days<br />-Underwear on the outside day<br />-Racism Day<br />-Famous Train Journeys<br />-Masturbatory Seizures<br />-Making easy money in Real Estate<br />-Christian puppeteering<br />-Dancing with the Stars viewing party<br />-Riverdance your way to a new body<br />-Old Timey Bankers<br />-The Genius of Frank Stallone<br /><br /><br />SNACK TYME!<br />Snacks served: <br />-Kippered Beef<br />-SNAX brand potato chips – (flavors: plain, arctic cheddar blast, mayonaise)<br />-Capri Sun - (flavors: Tropical Mouth Explosion, Boo-Yah Grape Blastoff, Mt. Kilaman Orange-O) <br />-Jalapeno poppers<br /><br /><br />Motion made by Guy named Alan to discontinue the Old Timey wigs for future meetings due to the smell of urine. Seconded by both Borders associates.<br /><br />Michel Johansen vetoes motion.<br /><br />Discussion of whether Michel Johansen has that authority or not.<br /><br />Michel Johansen throws wolf urine on Guy named Alan and begins to howl, squirt a milky substance from his wolf teet tank top.<br /><br />WolfTown,USA escorted out of the café, and out onto street rather forcefully.<br /><br />END TYME: 3:45 PMMichel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1153331229182189882006-07-19T10:32:00.000-07:002006-10-18T09:26:21.826-07:00Adorable Puppies!Michel has a NEW BEST FRIEND! (sorry Willy! I still count you as normal friend!) His name is Ricky, and he LOVES WOLVES (like Michel!), and trains (not like Michel). <br /><br />And, HE’S REAL HONEST PERSON!. (A quality that michel needs to work on. Michel usually just says yes to whatever is asked of him! Like last night when Mother told me to “stop crying”, “turn off Lilo and Stich” and “rub some salve on Momma’s inner thighs!”.)<br /><br />It’s just that he’s always talking about his problems. Like when he talks about how kids today dress like whores, or how he hates white people, or how painful his Rickets are. It’s a bit much at times for Michel. <br /><br />But he is a hard working American person, AND NICE TO ME! Plus he has agreed to be the “accountant/snack coordinator/authenticity consultant” of WOLFTOWN USA! (btw, first meeting is next week at my house for ANYONE interested!, in wolves)<br /><br />He REALLY reminds me of this guy back in Finland, named Bjorn Hufflguerten. He was this real mean kid, but for some reason, all the girls still liked him, even though he would force them to eat 2 handfuls of clay if they wanted to be his #1 girlfriend.<br /><br />Ricky doesn’t really look or act like him, but he just reminds me of Bjorn because they both have the same opinion on how adorable puppies are.Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1151090369574383332006-06-23T12:14:00.000-07:002006-10-18T09:26:21.696-07:00Who just ordered a new WOLF SHIRT?<br /><br /><br /><div style="float: center; margin-left: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/23981713@N00/173390543/" title="Photo Sharing"><img src="http://static.flickr.com/44/173390543_cdbe2e0de2_o.jpg" width="300" height="261" alt="awesome-wolf" /></a><br /><br /><br />MICHEL DID!! I just ordered it from wolfdepot.com. It’s this great “one stop shop” where people who are “really into wolves” can buy T-shirts, cozies and wolf urine.<br /><br />I am so excited about my shirt. IT IS COMING IN 3-7 DAYS! <br /><br />Since Alice has “requested” that I “stop with the memory collages”. I no longer have to hide my love for wolves! So, I have decided to start a club! For likeminded wolf “buffs”. I feel like I really need an outlet and get back to what I love doing, like dressing from head to toe in wolf gear, expressing myself through collage, and howling.<br /><br />So, I plan to call this club WOLFTOWN USA, and conduct it like an authentic town hall meeting!! Complete with a baliff and old timey wigs!! <br /><br />I am so excited!Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1150217377167100212006-06-13T08:25:00.002-07:002006-10-18T09:26:21.635-07:00Naughty bird!I have been trying to talking to Alice and Willy since our return from Africa, but Alice is not returning Michel's calls! <br /><br />I have feeling it is because her fathers have been taking her to this placed they call “church”. And Willy, he is SO FOCUSED on his new band “SEXCELLENCE” that he has no time to even play ONE LITTLE GAME OF TETHERBALL!<br /><br />So, I go to the movies.<br /><br />Got to see the LATEST Carnie Movie . . . CARNIE SMALL BUSINESS! It was playing at Sampson's RollerRama Etc.! Me and this kid Ricky from my train club went after our meeting.<br /><br />THIS MOVIE WAS TOTALLY AMAZING AS IS TO BE EXPECTED! <br /><br />In this one the Carnie family get sick and tired of the circus, (and of course, MR ZIDDLE!) and move to Topeka Kansas to start a petstore call NAUGHTY BIRD.<br /><br />There is this GREAT part where Poppa Carnie traps two birds at the park with a pair of his son's soiled underpants he had handy in the Isuzu. <br /><br />THEN IT GETS CRAZY, he puts the birdies in the pantry of their apartment and plays Celtic music on a loop through the door to get them to make bird babies. The best part is when Pappa Carnie opens the pantry after a week and a half. Once he does, he finds that THE BIRDS HAVE DIED from the music, his wife has also left him, and his business parter sold his 51% stake in Naughty Bird to MR. ZIDDLE!!!<br /><br />WHEN WILL THEY MAKE THIS INTO A SITCOM!Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1141607426233953942006-03-05T14:42:00.000-08:002006-10-18T09:26:21.453-07:00Michel is missing you!MICHEL IS BACK! I am SO sorry for not writing in such long tyme! I have missed all four of you!!<br /><br />Mother and Michel have been in an african country called Kenya, and they don't have many internet cafe's over there, especially where we were. I DID find keyboard in a barn, but it wasn't attached to a computer, and was made out of manure!<br /><br />It started when Mother met a man named Kip Winger. He used to play in a band who's most popular song was "Seventeen" many years ago. Kip told me it's a song that helps people know why it's OK to have sex with young girls since girls are actually alot more mature at younger ages than men are. <br /><br />Mother met him at the Tattler Too back in December. Apparently he knows EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT HAND AXES!, and this knowledge REALLY impressed Mother. <br /><br />CAN YOU BLAME HER! <br /><br />Anyway, one thing led to another, and Mother felt it would be a good idea for us to travel with kip on a "diamond run" to africa. He promised we would be fed well, and since mother was down to a half a box of Cheez It's, and one airplane bottle of Traveler's Club. She said we'd go. Plus, she said she was "drunker than shit".<br /><br />I AM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK IN AMERICA. It's nice to not have to sleep in the same barn as Kip Winger any more. It's also great not to have to hide diamonds in donkey's bottom's any more too.<br /><br />I have missed Willy and Alice SO MUCH! I didn't have a chance to tell them i was leaving since we left in the middle of the night. I will visit them tomorrow! I have BIG plans!Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1129864188562069062005-10-20T18:42:00.000-07:002006-10-18T09:26:21.379-07:00Thanks for the Ink Stinkers!Well, Alice has FINALLY gotten back from her retreat in Argentina! Yeah, I know, Michel has been VERY LONELY. But fortunately Mother has been having a depression the past weeks, so Michel has been available to give her sponge baths, get the recycling in order, and "keep the highballs coming".<br /><br />I AM SO GLAD TO SEE ALICE, especially because . . . she brought me some INK STINKERS! <br /><br />INK STINKERS are tasty octopus shaped Latin gummies, flavored like delicious black licorice, and filled with some sort of FLUID! The fluid tastes kind of like a mix of chalk and canola oil, if it's not one of the rancid ones. <br /><br />I know . . . DELICIOUS!!!<br /><br />Ink Stinkers really are the greatest ethnic candy i have ever eaten if you don't count the Candied Gopher Ears that Willy's bass player Pham brought back from Cambodia once.Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1125887490637193812005-09-04T17:38:00.000-07:002006-10-18T09:26:21.318-07:00Most people think wolves are coolYesterday i ALMOST got to meet Alice's two fathers!<br /><br />I WAS SO EXCITED! that i put on what I call my "Wolf" ensemble, which consists of this headband that says "ah-ooooh!" and is made from real wolf hide, a pair of black jogging pants with hand-painted wolves, and a shirt with anatomically correct plastic wolf teets on the front.<br /><br />WELL, when I showed up at the condo, AND before i could even unlace my wolf-hide rollerskates, Alice came out to meet me on the street. <br /><br />Well, she told me that i had to go home right then, and change. I WAS SO CONFUSED!! <br /><br />One minute i'm coming to meet her parents Gabe and Juan, and the next minute i'm feeling like Alice and her fathers might not appreciate wolves as much as me!!? I thought everyone loved wolves! Do you guys not like wolves?<br /><br />Whatever the case, it was very hurtful! So i chose not to return to meet her fathers after all. I just went home and played my "Sounds of the African Prairie Desert Wolf" tape. <br /><br />I thought it might clear my head, and give me some perspective.<br /><br />Sadly, it didn't, but the wolves SOUNDED AWESOME! on Mother's tape recorder, especially this one wolf i named "Danny Glover".Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1125094503373338592005-08-26T14:25:00.000-07:002006-10-18T09:26:21.259-07:00Carnie Family Reunion = 6 Stars!!!WOW! just finished watching another spectacular Carnie movie! . . . CARNIE FAMILY REUNION!<br /><br />I won't go into the whole thing, but there was this great part where Momma Carnie is making fun of "The Strongest Man in the Universe" at dinner by wearing her daughter's leotard, holding her breath and crushing saltines in-between her knees. IT'S HILARIOUS until she pulls her groin muscle and puts a real damper on the rest of their vacation, cause cooking was painful and they hadn't even started making the scalloped potatoes and frito pie they were signed up to bring to the reunion!<br /><br />THIS MOVIE WAS AMAZING, and SO EMOTIONALLY POWERFUL. <br /><br />SO much better than CARNIE INCEST (do not see this movie ever.)<br /><br />There was this other great part where once the family gets to the picnic shelter for the reunion, the Carnie son wants to go play a game called "Farmer Cornhole" with his cousin, but his dad said it was almost time for the awards, and Poppa Carnie was up for the "Traveled the Furtherest" plaque. And, well, the son told Poppa he didn't care, which brought up a lot of emotions for the father since he was abandoned at ten and raised by six species of animals over what is believed to be a seven year period. <br /><br />Plus, Poppa Carnie was worried it was the kind of game played without pants.Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1124225348434111782005-08-16T13:40:00.000-07:002006-10-18T09:26:21.194-07:00introducing . . . FUEGO RON!WOW! Alice and I just got back from a rousing performance from a band called TESLA! Apparently they used to “rock” but now they just play a show at Sampson’s Roller-Rama on Tuesdays.<br /><br />This was the first time that Alice and I went to a rocking and rolling show, so I wanted to make sure that Alice was not embarrassed by me! <br /><br />Ever since last week, when I wore my Lilo and Stitch Jogger to CreamTown, she’s been writing me letters suggesting that, if I don’t stop wearing cartoon character based clothing, that she will “never speak to me again in public.”<br /><br />Once i read that letter, I told myself, TUESDAY IS THE PERFECT TYME to wear my favorite cologne . . . FUEGO RON! <br /><br />THIS COLOGNE IS MAGIC TO WOMEN! The box says it’s made of something called "essence of mammoth", SAE30 motor oil, and microfibers from an 83 LeBaron!<br /><br />I don’t know if it was the “HULA PATROL” tank I was wearing or the FUEGO RON, but I felt like Alice was generally, VERY IMPRESSED! <br /><br />She really makes me a better person through her suggestions. I have so much confidence!Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1123080363557958372005-08-03T07:46:00.000-07:002006-10-18T09:26:21.117-07:00Uncle danny, and the demon fishI must say friends, ALICE AND I ARE AS HAPPY as these two homeless men we saw outside the Eastside Jaycees Pool and Arcade laughing, and joking, and washing their underwear in the public drinking fountain! <br /><br />I LOVE TO SWIM! Back in Finland, I swam so much that Mother told me I was “banned” from The River Gulad until I was 36!, (the legal age where a parent can divorce their child)<br /><div style="float: left; margin-right: 20px; margin-top: 40px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/23981713@N00/29016196/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://photos23.flickr.com/29016196_eb55f8aa91_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a> <br /> <span style="font-size: 0.9em; margin-top: 0px;"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/23981713@N00/29016196/">The Muse</a> </span></div><br />It turns out that Alice is not so excited by the swimming. She is adventurous in her art performances, but when it comes to Swim Tyme!, she makes precautions. The goggles protect her eyes from being "gouged out and eaten", she says.<br /><br />She has a little bit of a fear of FISHIES! due to some joke her uncle played on her when she was young. Her Uncle Danny thought it’d be funny to drop a gold fish into her bath, and tell her he didn’t know if it was a “harmless goldfish”, or a “flesh-eating demon fish”, and then left to make a phone call.<br /><br />I think that really affected her.<br clear="all" />Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1122670004806411912005-07-29T13:10:00.000-07:002006-10-18T09:26:21.060-07:00WIN A SCOTTISH LOIN RUBBING!!Well, I just got off the phone with Willy. Things are not good! He was pretty upsetted about the break up of his band “Invisible Grampa”. <br /><br />Pham, and his heroine problem finally did the band in. They couldn’t even keep it together long enough for their first show at The ValleyDale Home for Seniors Walker Hockey Semifinals Dance Social. <br /><br />He was even sadder than the time his father told him that Hulk Hogan was a gay! <br /><br />I just told him, Willy, “Let’s get out of Frown Town, and go play some TETHERBALL!” <br /><br />I thought tetherball would have made Willy forget about his troublings. But, well, it didn’t. I beat him 15-1 and he only got the 1 because I let him have one at the end of the game so those awful guys in the local tetherball community wouldn't black ball him from tourneys.<br /><br />So then, I told him that the STAN HARPLETON HIGHLAND DANCERS were gonna be at the fairgrounds Sunday! and he perked right up.<br /><br />HE LOVES THOSE GUYS! He especially likes the part in the show where the dancers come out into the audience and challenge audience members to a dance off!, and the prize is you get to take one of the uglier girl dancers to the local Freezie King for dinner and something called a "Scottish Loin Rubbing". <br /><br />BUT MOST PEOPLE NEVER EVEN WIN THE GIRL! cause the judges are all from Scotland, and they’re pretty hard on the contestants.Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1120442910479049362005-07-03T17:49:00.000-07:002006-10-18T09:26:20.998-07:00Sayonara, Sadness!Well friends, i feel it's a good tyme to update you on Mother. Especially since she seems to be conscious just about all the time now! She has broken her number one "Life Rule". SHE'S BEEN READING! (A BOOK!!) Honestly, her life has made almost a 160 degree turn since a week and a half ago. <br /><br />"Sayonara, Sadness!", this book she got from this guy who helped her up off the floor at The Tattler when she decided to make out with a cardboard cutout of Dale Earnhardt Jr. that was "asking for it", has REALLY changed her outlook on life. <br /><br />SHE IS DOING GREAT!, but it hasn't happened as quickly as the book outlines, which has caused Mother, at times, to fall back into her, "Self-Worth Skid", which usually translates to her breaking out the clown suit, cooking up a batch of methamphetamine, and–on tuesday at least–she had problems calling me anything other than Chinkface.<br /><br />Other than the occasional renaming of her offspring, she's really been happy. IT'S LIKE I HAVE MY OLD MOTHER BACK!! <br /><br />On her "good days" she WON'T STOP TALKING! about the book. <br /><br />Mother's favorite part of the book is where the writer, while outlining "8 Steps to Flushing Mr. Stinky" goes on a tangent, and says something about how his mother was pretty controlling, and wouldn't let him have any friends, especially after she caught him masturbating to pictures of elderly women in a medical supply catalog, "wearing hose". <br /><br />He brings it all back to something about internalizing things, and something about anger coming out in odd, and even "borderline felony" ways. Then he said something about murdering his family. I forget the rest, but SHE LOVES THIS PART!<br /><br />I really hope for best for Mother. She is learning many "Soul Lessons". <br /><br />It's just hard for Mother to "change", especially when in order for that to happen she has to "get up", and "put a shirt on". <br /><br />It's all she can do not to flush Mr. Self Help book, and turn Montel back on.Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8776707.post-1119387253752666012005-06-21T13:05:00.000-07:002006-10-18T09:26:20.939-07:00CrazyMcStickWackerI don't know what's up with Willy? After a couple of weeks of calls, I finally reached him last night. He said he was watching some intense women's softball game on the telly, and that's why he couldn't play Crazy McStickWacker with me in Mr. Johnson's woods. <br /><br />He said, "I really want to, NO REALLY (he got kind of breathy with this part), i'd like nothing more than to run through the woods NAKED with you". Then i said, "i never said anything about naked, Willy". Then he said "OH, THE GAME'S BACK ON!" and then his television made a zipper sound.<br /><br />BUT WHO CARES! I don't need "friends"! I have Alice now! We don't need anything but art, and performance, and bags of turpentine soaked shredded documents, and the pale white surface of her bottom for writing messages in various condiments about injustices.<br /><br />Mother i think is getting worried about how much tyme i have been spending with Alice. Just yesterday She tells me, "Stop hanging out with that hippy whore, and get your mother a high-ball." I don't get why she is not happy for Michel. But you know what I do when mother makes me feel like less?<br /><br />I get myself two Butter Pops from the freezer, pop in the second season of Perfect Strangers (ON BETA!), and hug myself. <br /><br />Bronson Pinchot warms me right up.Michel Johansenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892371531191670068noreply@blogger.com4