Some Good news and Bad news

Hey loyal readers! it's BARRY! with some GOOD NEWS! and some bad news.

Good news first. I HAVE GOTTEN MY OLD JOB BACK! at Fitgasm 24. Now they have not offered me my full salary but they HAVE agreed not to continue litigation on my play-biting incident. They have allowed me to work for a quarter of my original salary, but have thrown in unlimited smoothies to help me out.

I will be watched continuously they tell me. WHICH IS FINE. I'm just so happy to be employed again. It's been so hard to eat and live since I lost the job. If it wasn't for my positive attitude, and the Johansens, I don't know what I would have done.

So, onto the bad news. Michel died yesterday. He saw an animal he though was a wolf walking around our bus yesterday, and well, he snuck up on it and tried to hug it. And, well, it ate him. It turns out that it was a coyote, and an hungry one at that.

But don't be sad. Let's keep it positive. He was a good kid, an amazing artist, and I like to think that he died happy because he was doing what he loved, hugging wolves.

The funny thing is that his mom is still alive, and he's dead. Cause his mom does some pretty bad things to her body.

I JUST RAN INTO MY OLDE PAL WILLY!

Well, Willy has not spoken to Michel (EVEN THOUGH HE IS NEIGHBOR!!) SINCE LAST YEAR! because I borrowed some of his father’s militia magazines and some of his hair too. (it was for collage!!)

He has never forgiven Michel . . . UNTIL NOW!!!

It was great catching up to Willy.

His old music band, “Sexcellence” has finally broken up “for good”. BUT, he has started a new band called Ugly Kid Joe!. He said that the OLD Ugly Kid Joe disbanded in 1997, and that the name was “fair game” in his mind.

Willy is also VERY COMMITED to his band, so much that he got a tattoo that says, “UGLY KIDS JOE” covering his ENTIRE FACE! (Michel was going to point out the misspelling, but Barry REALLY wanted to leave.)

He said his band is getting their first big break this Sunday when they open for the band that is opening for TIGER NOIZES, the second most popular JILL SOBULE cover band in the area. (BTW: They are INCREDIBLE).

They’re playing @ The Rodee-OH!! on International Business Corporation Breezeway Court. You can’t miss it, look for the drunk horse they chain to the mailbox. (DO NOT GET NEAR THIS HORSE.)

SEE YOU THERE!

I have joined the business force!

Well, since living on the bus, the Johansens and Mother’s lover (and my new dad!) )Barry have come on hard tymes. We are very cold much of the tyme, we have not eaten warm food in 4 days, and Mother has gone missing.

BUT, ONCE AGAIN!! Barry has used his positive attitude to help out the days.

Barry decided that we really need to “make some money” for “food”. And he has a plan.

Well, HIS PLAN TURNED OUT TO BE BRILLIANT!

We have been walking around our town all afternoon picking things up off the ground, and THEN asking strangers on the street if they will give us money to eat it!

I know what your are thinking . . . and I am thinking the very same thing: BARRY IS A BUSINESS GENIUS, AND NEEDS TO WRITE A BOOK AND/OR HAVE HIS OWN REALITY SHOW BASED ON HIS BUSINESS THEORIES!

And here’s the proof: WE MADE THIRTEEN DOLLARS in only 2 DAYS!.

And Barry says, if we keep it up, (if our stomachs can handle it), AND we stop wasting valuable tyme getting in rock fights with the East Side Hobos, that we’ll make the same amount of money EVERY 2 DAYS!!!

NOW, you might also think that its gross to eat things like terrier poops, dirty band-aids, condoms, and pine straw, but I would say to that: what’s not gross is HAVING 13 DOLLARS! (in Pennies!)

So Michel will keep eating melted ice cream covered in ants, wadded up receipts, green pennies, and pieces of dislodged sidewalk, as long as the money keeps rolling in, OR if some sort of internal bleedings happen.

Double peace.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

It is a whole new exciting new year! 2008 will be full of joyness, excitement, WolfTown, USA meetings, funtymes, collection of found object to use in collages, the search for a girlfriend, a fresh set of collages (about wolves), and candycanes!

The Johansens had a fun tyme for Christmas! even though Michel did not get anything he asked for from the Santa Claus (the Jazzband-in-a-box! home jazzband creator, the Doctor Zhivago box set, OR the humidifier!), and our house burned to the ground.

BUT DON’T WORRY!, we are living in a VERY NICE abandoned bus near the quarry!

It all started on Christmas Eve, when Mother’s meth lab exploded in the living room. It was VERY EXCITING to see the explosion!, but the fact that it burned all of our possessions and the place where we sleep was very sad for Michel.

SO Michel is trying to think happier thinkings. Barry tells me to “keep my head up”, and “try not to think about the burnt hair smell” even though it’s “pretty overpowering”, and it “all that HE can think about”.

He has really got the right attitude. He’s also started doing this real cool “double peace sign” thing. WHICH IS VERY COOL!, and barry says to me that “not a lot of people are doing it” (which is double cool).

Barry says it feels good do make a “double peace sign” especially to people who are defacing your abandoned bus with “really confusing satanic iconography”. He says it lets them know that “you get it”, and that “you’re probably not gonna call the pigs”.

Well, I hope all you readers had a GREAT HOLIDAY!!, even if you don’t believe in holidays. See you soon at the next WolfTown mtg!!

Mr. Ziddle, THE FUNNIEST PERSON EVARR!!

Michel, (and Barry) just rewatched CARNIE HALLOWEEN! to celebrate the fact that the Halloween season is up on us. There are so many part of this movie that are funny that I HAVE TO tell you about!!

The Top 3:

3) Mr Ziddle dresses up like a jaguar and then he fills his hair pants with those generic looking peanut butter candies!! Which was so smart by the Mr. Ziddle character, because none of the kids who work and live at the circus would grab candy because he wasn't wearing any underwears, and he had a stinky "ding ding" that night.

2) There's this tradition in the Carnie world, where the eldest Carnie family member has to go into the woods and prove that they still have the right to live, even though they are draining the family's financial resources. Well, she leaves to go in to the woods (slowly) but before she can even get going, she trips on a tent stake and shatters her pelvis.

BARRY AND ME ARE STILL LAUGHING AT THIS.

1) But, MY FAVORITE PART is where the Carnie family have a big family meeting where they decide whether to spend their last 100 dollars on 83 bags of Chocolate Poppers or use it as a down payment on a new hip for Gammy Carnie.

It was even more hilarious when they realized that while they were making the decision she actually died right in front of them, and well, the decision was made for them! Whew!

Happy Halloween season!!! Tell me what you're gonna be dressing up as this year?

Michel will be dressing up like an English Apothecary! It going to be AWESOME, (unless someone has chosen the same costume of course!) I can not wait to speak my English accent and dispense some homeade medicines to children!

Wolftown, U.S.A. mtg . . . . SOON!

Barry has the Depressions!

Barry is having something called depressions.

He has been laid off from Fitgasm 24!. That is why Michel has not written for some time. (and also the reason WolfTown, USA has not met in way too long) Barry said that is was something called "sexual harrasment" that made him leave the gym and stop being able to personally train people two days a week.

He said that he accidentally brushed up against a customers vagina with his nose when he was spotting her.

And apparently in "those type of situations" he was supposed to immediately say "oh, i'm sorry mam" instead of making "tiger noises", thrashing his head from side to side, and "play-biting" her inner thighs.

He is VERY SAD that he does not have "money" and "a place to wash clothes and get free smoothies" any more. Mother and I are happy to have him stay in our home for as long as it takes for him to get onto his feet, (and stop eating all Michel's Choco Dawgs!!).

On the awesome side, I have convinced Barry to become a member of WolfTown, USA! So YOU ALL WILL GET TO MEET HIM NEXT WEEK at the meeting (location TBD)! YOU WILL LOVE HIM.

He will be happy again next week Michel is sure, unless you mention things like "not having a job", or "vaginas", or if you make "tiger noises".